yuuo: (Pandora's Universe)
[personal profile] yuuo posting in [community profile] pandorasuniverse
Character/Series: Riza Hawkeye; Fullmetal Alchemist (2003; Pandora's Universe)
Rating: R
Notes: Written for 4purposes Summer theme "a look like white heat"
Title: I'm Like An Addict
Author: [personal profile] yuuo
Word Count: 346
Summary: Sex with Edward was dangerous, with years of hatred and hurting and desperation tangled up in the act.

Sex with Edward was dangerous, with years of hatred and hurting and desperation tangled up in the act. It was never gentle, or slow, always rough and quick, and Riza always had new bruises low on her neck in the morning.

But she craved it. Despite everything that went into their contact, all the hurt and rage, she knew she was never in any real danger. No matter how much it hurt, or how incredibly and utterly fucked up everything was, she was safe from real harm.

She felt like she was betraying Roy with this. She felt she ought to feel more guilty. But Edward needed this so much, it was so easy to see for her. The tears afterwards, the way he held her like he might disappear if he didn't hold on for dear life, it was so plain to see. She didn't see how she could say no- she couldn't say no, even if she should, even if she knew this was not love, never would be love, was nothing more than a need for human contact. It was an outlet, she was an outlet, nothing more. It could’ve been almost anyone else in her place and it wouldn’t be any different.

She ought to feel used. Feel guilty. Feel dirty for it. But she craved the danger and all the hurt and anger he could give her, like a horrible drug she'd fallen victim to. She couldn’t say no to that wild and desperate look on his face, that raw look in his eyes, like he was opened up to her, letting her see it all, feel it all, experience it all, even though he never said what any of it was.

He didn't have to. Riza knew. War, abuse, they took tolls on people. There was an exchange for surviving it, and for a child, that exchange was always higher than a reasoning, rational and capable adult. So she'd take some of that exchange for him and hope it was enough to let him fix himself.

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Pandora's Universe: Fullmetal Alchemist AU

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